On being a resident of Baltimore...

As I'm pretty sure everyone in the country now knows, Baltimore was rocked by violent riots on Monday night.  I'm not going to focus on the reasons the riots occurred or the death of Freddie Gray, many much better writers have already covered that issue.  I felt the need to write this post to jot down what I felt on Monday night and the real question on my mind, where do we go from here?

I first moved to Baltimore in 2004, my freshman year of college.  I lived in the suburbs until 2010 when I first moved into the city.  I spent four years lived in the neighborhood of Canton, located in the southeast section on the city before I moved to Locust Point in south Baltimore,  where I've been for the past year and a half.  Over the past 10 plus years of living in Baltimore I have adopted this city as my second home.  I've learned to love the traditions and sport the Maryland flag when ever I can (because come on, that flag is pretty darn awesome).  I love going to Orioles games (even though I am and will always be a Phillies fan) and Natty Boh has grown on me.  Even though I resisted for a few years, Baltimore is now just as much home as Philly is to me.

After a week of peaceful protests and some isolated violence on Saturday night I could never predict what was going to happen on Monday night...

Monday afternoon, I left work having recently found out there was a "credible threat" that the gangs of Baltimore have teamed up to "take-out" the Baltimore City Police.  I canceled my activities for the night so that I did not have to leave my house once I got home.  Before long we started hearing about the students' confrontation with the police at Mondamwin Mall and it just started escalating.  Soon, stores were being looted and set on fire.  Honestly, I ignored the news coverage for several hours.  I wasn't quite ready to admit that this was going to be bad.

Throughout the night my roommates and I watched the destruction on the news, heartbroken and scared.  Texts were pouring in from family and friends checking in on us and offering us places to stay.  Thankfully, our neighborhood, while within Baltimore's city limits, was several miles away from the rioting going on and we felt safe enough to stay through the night.  But we still had to ask ourselves several very real questions: are we safe?  should we pack "go bags" just in case?  how close do things have to get before we leave? 

Nothing can prepare you for watching your city get torn apart and burned.  Yes, I had seen footage of Ferguson and New York.  But I knew these neighborhoods, I knew the locations that I saw flashing across my TV screen. We finally turned off the TV and went to bed, not sure what would happen overnight or what tomorrow would bring.

I woke up Tuesday morning with a heavy heart.  I walked outside to go to work and everything felt wrong.  The city was peaceful, the sun was shining, and birds were chirping.  It felt wrong.  It was an eerily perfect spring morning and it felt wrong. 

That day at school was a whirlwind.  As I teach high school, my students were old enough to understand what had happened the night before.  Every teacher took time out of their classes to discuss the events of the previous nights with their kids and allowed them to express their feelings.  I encouraged all of my students not to make foolish choices and to protest peacefully if they wanted to get involved.  Around 10 am rumors started circling about potential riots in county, specifically in our neighborhood.  Social media fueled these rumors and before long, we had hundreds of parents pulling their students out of school. 

I left school that day exhausted and emotionally drained.  Trying to help students make sense out of the violence while you are still struggling to do the same is emotionally taxing.  I was looking forward to my run at the gym that day.  I knew my run would calm my nerves.  I headed to the gym as I was far too nervous to run around the city alone, even in daylight.  However, when I pulled up to the gym I found out they were closed due to the events of the night before and the rumors of what could happen that day.  Since we couldn't run my roommate and I decided to pack overnight bags (just in case) and head out of the city to meet colleagues for dinner and drinks.  Not my healthiest choice and definitely not WW friendly but since I couldn't run I needed a new way to blow off steam. 

One of the biggest topics for discussion since the riots across the city and neighboring areas is, how do we heal??? Where do we go from here???

Even days later I'm still processing what happened.  The city has been peaceful since that night but I am still afraid to run alone outside as my running route takes me out to the Inner Harbor and out of my quite safe neighborhood.  Every day I'm concerned the peaceful protests will turn violent and every night I'm afraid of what will happen after curfew.  I feel relieved to be traveling to Philly this weekend and away from potential danger but I hate this feeling of relief because it makes me feel like a coward.  I will feel calm one minute and anxious the next.  Thankfully the calm outweighs my anxiety but it's always there in the back of my mind.  How do I move past this?  How do I heal?  How do I help my city heal?

I hope you have seen the images of Baltimore the day after the riots.  Community members coming out to clean up the city.  Little boys handing bottled water to police officers standing guard.  That is Baltimore.  That is the real Baltimore that we want the world to see.  While there are issues in our city that must be addressed we are not the images you saw on your TV Monday night.  And this is how we will heal.  Pulling together as a community and proving to ourselves and the world that we are better than this. 

One group of seniors at my school have started a #BetterBaltimore campaign.  The idea is to post positive images of Baltimore on social media and show everyone our pride and to remind ourselves and the world that we are more than what you are seeing on your TV screens.

As I am running the Broad Street Run 10 miler in Philadelphia on Sunday, obviously the question of race day outfit came up.  My roommate and I saw this as the perfect opportunity to spread some Baltimore love and we created these shirts:

Front

Back

I'm so happy with how they turned out and I can't wait to spread some #BetterBaltimore love through Philly. 

Please remember, we are not what you've seen on TV.  Do not be afraid to come visit Baltimore.  The city is already bouncing back.  Let's work together as a nation and help heal Baltimore.

#BetterBaltimore #BaltimorePride #HealBaltimore

Phillies Charities 5k Recap

Leading up to race-day we knew it was going to be a cold one and oh yes, the weather people got this one right.  Race morning it was 37 degrees but felt like it was 26.  Ugh!  After a winter of cold I was really hoping this was going to be a beautiful day to run.  But alas, we layered up and headed out to Citizens Bank Park.

I had big PR dreams for this race.  I set my current PR (25:09 - 8:06/m) on Thanksgiving 2013 and I have been chasing it ever since.  I struggled with speed at the 5k distance in 2014.  For some reason, even though I was able to set some good PRs in distance races, I could not get anywhere close to my 5k PR.  When I finished the Kelly 5k a few weeks ago in 25:40 I set my eyes towards a PR at Phillies.  I was nervous about the cold keeping me from my PR but I shook off those doubts knowing I ran my current PR in COLDER conditions.

Before the race my running buddies and I found my mom and my brother-in-law.  We stood and chatted for a bit until we realized it was less than 10 minutes until go time and we should line up before the start line got too crowded.  Somehow by a stroke of luck we found 2 of our other running buddies and stood an chatted with them before we lined up.  This 5k asks runners to corral themselves and have signs up to help this process.  I always appreciate this in a 5k; even though not everyone is honest is significantly reduces crowding in my opinion.  Even though I was I was hoping to run around an 8:00/m pace but I decided to line up towards the front of the 9:00/m group.  This 5k groups the 6, 7, and 8 min milers all in the same group and that section seemed pretty darn crowded so I dropped back a bit. 

The national anthem was played at we were off.  The first mile felt pretty good but I could tell I was pushing it pretty hard.  A few of the times I checked my pace I saw I was running at a pace under an 8:00/m and I knew I had to back off because I wouldn't be able to maintain that.  This year, due to construction near the stadiums, there was a change to the course.  We first ran past Citizens Bank Park and out towards Broad Street.  We then entered FDR park.  This was a GREAT change minus the giant potholes.... if they keep this course they're going to need fix those, it was sketchy at times.  The majority of the course ended up going through the park with just the last .7 miles back on the road towards the stadium. 

I tried to run at a pace that was challenging but not so fast that I felt like I was dying.  Very specific right?  Mile 1, pretty good 8:30 pace.  Mile 2, even better 8:08 pace for that mile.  But it wasn't long after crossing the 2nd mile marker that I knew my PR was out of reach.  Never one to give up and hoping a miracle would happen I pushed on and finished strong.

Unofficial results (via my new Garmin): 3.16 miles at 8:11/m
Official results: 3.1 miles at 8:19/m

Overall, this race is well organized and has great swag.  T-shirt, medal, and 2-free tickets to a Phillies game during the On-Deck Series.  Plus, after the race you get to walk along the warning track on the field.  Pretty awesome.  The course change was much improved over previous years and it's very flat, great for PRs.  I'll definitely be back to run again next year.