I first moved to Baltimore in 2004, my freshman year of college. I lived in the suburbs until 2010 when I first moved into the city. I spent four years lived in the neighborhood of Canton, located in the southeast section on the city before I moved to Locust Point in south Baltimore, where I've been for the past year and a half. Over the past 10 plus years of living in Baltimore I have adopted this city as my second home. I've learned to love the traditions and sport the Maryland flag when ever I can (because come on, that flag is pretty darn awesome). I love going to Orioles games (even though I am and will always be a Phillies fan) and Natty Boh has grown on me. Even though I resisted for a few years, Baltimore is now just as much home as Philly is to me.
After a week of peaceful protests and some isolated violence on Saturday night I could never predict what was going to happen on Monday night...
Monday afternoon, I left work having recently found out there was a "credible threat" that the gangs of Baltimore have teamed up to "take-out" the Baltimore City Police. I canceled my activities for the night so that I did not have to leave my house once I got home. Before long we started hearing about the students' confrontation with the police at Mondamwin Mall and it just started escalating. Soon, stores were being looted and set on fire. Honestly, I ignored the news coverage for several hours. I wasn't quite ready to admit that this was going to be bad.
Throughout the night my roommates and I watched the destruction on the news, heartbroken and scared. Texts were pouring in from family and friends checking in on us and offering us places to stay. Thankfully, our neighborhood, while within Baltimore's city limits, was several miles away from the rioting going on and we felt safe enough to stay through the night. But we still had to ask ourselves several very real questions: are we safe? should we pack "go bags" just in case? how close do things have to get before we leave?
Nothing can prepare you for watching your city get torn apart and burned. Yes, I had seen footage of Ferguson and New York. But I knew these neighborhoods, I knew the locations that I saw flashing across my TV screen. We finally turned off the TV and went to bed, not sure what would happen overnight or what tomorrow would bring.
I woke up Tuesday morning with a heavy heart. I walked outside to go to work and everything felt wrong. The city was peaceful, the sun was shining, and birds were chirping. It felt wrong. It was an eerily perfect spring morning and it felt wrong.
That day at school was a whirlwind. As I teach high school, my students were old enough to understand what had happened the night before. Every teacher took time out of their classes to discuss the events of the previous nights with their kids and allowed them to express their feelings. I encouraged all of my students not to make foolish choices and to protest peacefully if they wanted to get involved. Around 10 am rumors started circling about potential riots in county, specifically in our neighborhood. Social media fueled these rumors and before long, we had hundreds of parents pulling their students out of school.
I left school that day exhausted and emotionally drained. Trying to help students make sense out of the violence while you are still struggling to do the same is emotionally taxing. I was looking forward to my run at the gym that day. I knew my run would calm my nerves. I headed to the gym as I was far too nervous to run around the city alone, even in daylight. However, when I pulled up to the gym I found out they were closed due to the events of the night before and the rumors of what could happen that day. Since we couldn't run my roommate and I decided to pack overnight bags (just in case) and head out of the city to meet colleagues for dinner and drinks. Not my healthiest choice and definitely not WW friendly but since I couldn't run I needed a new way to blow off steam.
One of the biggest topics for discussion since the riots across the city and neighboring areas is, how do we heal??? Where do we go from here???
Even days later I'm still processing what happened. The city has been peaceful since that night but I am still afraid to run alone outside as my running route takes me out to the Inner Harbor and out of my quite safe neighborhood. Every day I'm concerned the peaceful protests will turn violent and every night I'm afraid of what will happen after curfew. I feel relieved to be traveling to Philly this weekend and away from potential danger but I hate this feeling of relief because it makes me feel like a coward. I will feel calm one minute and anxious the next. Thankfully the calm outweighs my anxiety but it's always there in the back of my mind. How do I move past this? How do I heal? How do I help my city heal?
I hope you have seen the images of Baltimore the day after the riots. Community members coming out to clean up the city. Little boys handing bottled water to police officers standing guard. That is Baltimore. That is the real Baltimore that we want the world to see. While there are issues in our city that must be addressed we are not the images you saw on your TV Monday night. And this is how we will heal. Pulling together as a community and proving to ourselves and the world that we are better than this.
One group of seniors at my school have started a #BetterBaltimore campaign. The idea is to post positive images of Baltimore on social media and show everyone our pride and to remind ourselves and the world that we are more than what you are seeing on your TV screens.
As I am running the Broad Street Run 10 miler in Philadelphia on Sunday, obviously the question of race day outfit came up. My roommate and I saw this as the perfect opportunity to spread some Baltimore love and we created these shirts:
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Please remember, we are not what you've seen on TV. Do not be afraid to come visit Baltimore. The city is already bouncing back. Let's work together as a nation and help heal Baltimore.
#BetterBaltimore #BaltimorePride #HealBaltimore
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